Blame Game
     Sent 9/7/2005

Sharing Creative Energy Newsletter
By Darla Arni

September 2005
Sharing Creative Energy Newsletter is a free monthly, or whenever Darla can get it out, publication for clients, friends and subscribers who want to be more creative, energetic and productive in their life and work.
Past copies are archived on our web site: www.darlaarni.com.
© 2005 Darla Arni
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In This Issue:
*BLAME GAME
*Quote of the Month
*MENSA Moment
*What is Darla up to?

BLAME GAME
Subtitled: It’s not my fault, I didn’t do it!

I see a terrible trend developing, the lack of personal responsibility and how it impacts those around us. Whether it is a national crisis or a fingernail breaks, we are quick to blame someone else. And it’s not limited to adults or politicians, if you have the opportunity to spend some time around children, especially in a group, you will frequently hear the excuse, “It’s not my fault.” While admittedly there are times when something truly isn’t our fault, more often than not there was an element of choice involved in the incident and we made it.

Blame doesn’t solve the problem or offer valuable insight; it just gets the spotlight off of us for a while and shines it on someone else. Passing along the blame to someone else doesn’t even make you feel good; it just makes more people feel bad.
Maybe our problem is not understanding the difference between blame and responsibility. Being responsible (yes, this is according to my handy dandy Webster’s) is being accountable, reliable, distinguishing right from wrong. Blame on the other hand involves putting the responsibility on someone else, accusing and (I love this part), failing to find sympathy or understand.

Let me give an example. Recently I needed to move my mother’s phone service from one room to another within a nursing home facility. Because my mother has severe dementia and I wanted to be able to check in with her without interruption of service, I called several days ahead to schedule the change and was assured there would be no problem. My mother was moved down the hall and no phone service. OK, I can be reasonable, so I check the next day, no service. After three days of no service, meaning I cannot check on my mother and she cannot call me, I called the phone company. There had been a problem they said, with the initial order and it would probably be another week for the phone service to be connected. At this point I was still calm so I asked what the problem was and was told they really couldn’t say, but it was internal, nothing I did. I ask to talk to a supervisor, they give me the same story, no one can tell me why but it would at the earliest be a week. I explain the situation with my mother and that in her condition I was anxious about it taking so long. I explain that it is only down the hall in the same facility and this is in a town of 2,000, how hard can this be? (Perhaps by now I am getting testy.) She can’t tell me anymore than that, would I like to talk to her district manager? Of course I would! After going through the same story and getting the same response I began to plead, “Can’t you understand why I am upset and concerned? This is a safety issue, my mother has severe dementia.” The very curt reply was, “Well my mother is dead.” At that point I realized I was getting nothing from this exchange. Did I want to find out why it happened? Maybe a little, but more important to me was I wanted someone to understand, I wanted someone to say, ” I don’t know why this happened but I am so sorry and I will do what I can to fix it as soon as possible.” It wasn’t just that it was taking longer than expected; it was that with every call to the phone company all I heard was blame passing, no sympathy and understanding, no personal responsibility. I knew I couldn’t change the outcome, but I would have been satisfied to have someone treat me like a human being.

We all want the human touch. We all want to feel the incidents of life, big or small, matter. What has this got to do with creativity? Everything. Being creative is being mindful, paying attention and focusing on what is happening now and seeing ourselves as part of the process. Every encounter with another human being gives us a chance to practice personal responsibility instead of passing blame. Sometimes it just requires being quiet and not adding to the whininess of the world.

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QUOTE OF THE MONTH
“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
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MENSA MOMENT:
Mr. Brown, Mr. White, and Mr. Red are in a meeting. The three are wearing ties that are the three colors of their last names, although no man’s tie matches his name. Mr. Brown asks the man with the white tie if he likes red, but cannot hear the answer. What is the color of each man’s tie?

The first 5 correct answers will be entered in a drawing for a prize. Winner and prize will be announced in the next newsletter. Good luck!
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WHAT IS DARLA UP TO?
I apologize for my lapse in newsletters. Much of my time has been dedicated to family concerns, and rightly so. It feels good to be back and I would love to make your life and work more creative and rewarding by presenting to your group, organization or company. In addition to our most requested topics we can adapt our knowledge and skills to meet your needs, wants and desires. Our new presentation “The Energy of Attitude” might just be a sure cure for the blame game being played at your place of work!

Let us serve you. Call Darla today for more information, to check a date, or share a story.

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Darla Arni is a Professional Speaker, Consultant and Author of Sharing Creative Energy at Home, Life Compass for Women, and the Sharing Creative Energy Newsletter.

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